Zis Is KAOS!
by Cassandra Elise
Summary: Siegfried kidnaps a congressman's nephew in THIS PARODY ON GET SMART. FINALE is here! Updated 05/12/03 After a five month absence, I decided to finish the story for my own benefit.
1. Default Chapter

Teaser  
  
For the first seventeen years, Seth Leonard Loin lived a boring unsuccessful life in  
his small hometown of Harper's Village, Nebraska. Then, when he is eighteen, his parents  
die, leaving his adopted sister, Laura, and him penniless and alone. The only relations they  
know about are their Aunt Linda and Uncle Roger, a respected Republican congressman,  
and they live in Washington, DC which is more than one thousand miles away. Full of  
determination, Seth packs his few belongings, takes his savings from the bank, and with his  
sister sets off for Boston in his old 1954 station wagon. Let us now join him as he meets new  
friends, finds a home, and discovers love.  
  
"Seth, when are we going to eat?" whined Laura Loin to her brother one bright July day. "As  
soon as we arrive in Quincy, Illinois," Seth retorted impatiently. His thirteen year-old sister could  
be such a pain at times.   
  
All of a sudden, the car hit a sharp piece of glass, and the front tire instantly deflated.   
  
Seth, ignoring his sister's complaints, pulled the car to the side of the highway. He calmly  
surveyed the burst tire, and headed to the trunk of the station wagon. Seth was looking for a  
spare tire, but to his dismay none were to be found! Frantically he searched for it, but since there  
was nowhere to look in a car, he soon gave up. Where is it? I know I had one in here. Seth  
recollected lending it to a friend several months previously. The friend had somehow forgotten  
who it belonged to and had assumed it was his. Of course, Seth didn't know that. All he knew  
was that he was stranded on an abandoned highway with no spare tire and that he was furious.  
  
"Darn!" he exclaimed. Then out on the horizon, a shiny, black limousine appeared. Seth gaped in  
awe as the long vehicle cruised closer. Having lived in a small town, Seth had never seen a  
limousine. Seeing this massive automobile for the first time when he was in such a predicament  
seemed implausible. Seth began to wave his hands crazily, trying to gain the driver's attention. It  
must have worked for immediately after he started his insane gesticulations, the limo screeched to  
a halt.  
  
A man in his mid-twenties stepped out of the car. He ran a hand through his light brown hair  
before he walked over to Seth. "I zink you require some help, no?" he asked in an accent Seth  
had never heard. Actually Seth had never heard any accent except American. If he had been  
cognizant, he would have realized that the man was German.   
  
The man continued, "Get into zee car, and my chauffeur will drive you to your destination. Oh!"  
he added when he spied Laura in the car. "Bring zat girl with you, too."  
  
Seth was a bit peeved at having his sister referred to as "zat girl". He decided to inform the  
stranger of his dislike of that name. As he gathered his belongings from the car, he casually  
remarked, "That girl in the auto is my adopted sister, sir. I would much rather you called her by  
her real name, Laura."  
  
"Vatever," replied the man. He stopped. "Adopted sister did you say?" He opened the back door  
of the limousine, and ushered the two orphans inside.  
  
"Yes," agreed Seth. "When she was just seven years old her parents died in a automobile  
accident. My parents adopted her, but then they died, too" He smiled at his sister who was  
hungrily eyeing a basket full of green apples. The car started moving again.  
  
The man tossed her an apple, and remarked "I had noticed zat you don't resemble your sister at  
all. Sorry business, though, about your parents. She'd better not be adopted again, because she's  
bad luck. She'd be liable to have her next adopted parents die on her, too.  
  
"Well, don't worry," Seth assured the man. 'I'm gonna take care of her from now on."  
  
The stranger nodded his head in comprehension.  
  
"I still don't have any idea of what's going on," announced Laura quite snootily as she finished  
the rest of her apple. She discarded the core through an open window. She smoothed her black  
leggings, and began picking fuzzes off her zebra striped tee-shirt. She soon grew weary of the  
tedious task, and proclaimed to her brother, "I believe we have been kidnaped, and don't try to  
defend that strange man, 'cause you know as well as I do that it's true." She waved her finger at  
Seth as she spoke.   
  
Both Seth and the man were completely surprised at this accusation. The thought had never  
crossed Seth's mind. He had just wanted to get to his Aunt's and Uncle's house. When this man  
and offered them a lift, he had willingly accepted the kind invitation. He hadn't been taken by  
force, or had he? He glanced at the stranger who had an evil glint in his eye!  
  
Get Smart  
  
Starring You-Know-Who as Maxwell Smart  
  
Yada-Yada-Yada as #99  
  
That Bald Man as Chief of CONTROL  
  
Special Guest Star Doodly-Do as Conrad von Siegfried  
  
The Other Guy as Starker  
  
Who Else? as Hymie!  
  
And extra special peeps . . .  
  
Burt Ward as Seth Loin (little dweeb . . .)  
  
Yvonne Craig as Alice (oh yeah, baby)  
  
Leslie Parrish as Jenny Peters (typecaster!)  
  
That Marcia-Actress from the Brady Bunch as Chrissy Peters. (Hehehe)  
  
Sally Field as Laura (why not?)  
  
Jim Bacchus as Uncle Roger (another attack of the ebil typecaster!)  
  
Whoever Plays Mrs. Howell in Gilligan's Island as Aunt Linda  
  
The Dave Clark Five as Themselves  
  
and Hugo Weaving as Agent Smith (time warp!)  
  
  
"Zis is KAOS!"  
Written by Cassandra Elise  
Based Upon an idea by Alexis Rockford  
  
Suddenly, the man barked out, "All right, I admit it, I did kidnap you." This pronunciation  
produced several "I told you so's" from Laura. The man continued, "but I only did it for your  
own benefit. I'd have to kill you otherwise. Mwahahaha! Now get some sleep because ve're  
going to be traveling a lot tomorrow." He gestured to them to make themselves comfortable, then  
he had the car pull over so he could ride in the middle if the limo. The last thing he said before he  
quitted their section was, "Ve'll be stopping at Jacksonville for zee night."  
  
As soon as the kidnapper was gone, Laura started to wail. For three whole minutes, her cry  
echoed through the vehicle. Then she quieted down and soon fell soundly asleep. Poor girl.  
thought Seth. She's probably fatigued from riding in a car for two whole days without resting.  
Seth sat in the car for awhile mulling over the situation that they were in, but then he, exhausted  
from the day's events, fell into a deep slumber.  
  
*********************  
  
Seth woke up the next morning to a strange sound. It so loud he could hardly hear himself  
think. He heard his sister yawn on a cot nearby.   
  
"Good morning, Seth," she said groggily. Suddenly she was wide awake. "Jiminy! Where are  
we?" Her chocolate eyes peered around the room alarmingly.   
  
Seth was about to reply when their kidnapper entered the room and said in his strange accent,  
"Vell I'm glad to see zat our little friends are awake. Ve are in an abandoned warehouse located  
in Jacksonville, Illinois. My name is Conrad in case you vere curious."  
  
"My name is Seth, Conrad," said Seth. He peered at the tall man suspiciously.   
  
"Zat's a nice name," fibbed Conrad as he crossed his fingers behind his back.  
  
Laura spotted Conrad crossing his fingers and wondered what he was doing, but as to not offend  
the kidnapper, she remained silent.   
  
In a perfectly innocent voice, Seth asked, "What's that annoying racket?"  
  
Conrad cringed slightly at this inquisition, but he quickly regain his composure. "It is an enigma to  
me," he lied.  
  
"I think I know what it is," declared Laura. "I think it's the fire alarm!"  
  
"Help!" shouted Seth. Inwardly he knew it was not the fire alarm, but he would do anything to  
get out of the building.  
  
Conrad left the room for a moment. When he returned, the music had stopped. "Whew!" he said.  
  
"I guess it's not the fire alarm," concluded Laura.  
  
Conrad cleared his throat. "Since I have complete guardianship over you at present, I find it most  
urgent to be on our vay before Shmart gets on our case."  
  
"Not 'our' case, bub, your case" corrected Seth. "We didn't do anything. And who the heck is  
'Shmart?'"   
  
Ignoring Seth's question, Conrad continued, "Ve vill leave on the nine-o-clock p.m. train."   
  
That night, Conrad took Seth away to the train station, but he left his sister Laura at the  
abandoned warehouse because she was too ignorant for his taste. Seth was extremely melancholy,  
and angry at Conrad, who felt no pity for him as he lead him to their train. If his scheme was ever  
going to work, he'd have to be very careful. Laura would only be in the way.  
  
When they were inside the train, they bumped into three men in three spotless suits with vests.  
They all had shaggy hair cuts, and inferior manners.  
  
"Who's zat man, boss?" one of them asked. He, too, had an accent.  
  
"He's my hostage," explained Conrad in a matter-of-fact tone of voice. He tightened his grip on  
the lad who was desperately trying to escape.  
  
Two of the three men in spotless suits with vests nodded their heads in comprehension. One  
shook his head though. "I don't understand," he said in an even odder accent. "You must've  
made some sort of mistake. I though we were kidnaping an agent. " He had dark thick hair and  
beady brown eyes. No one payed any attention to his observation, though.  
  
********  
  
The next day, they arrived at the appropriate destination, Chicago. Seth was depressed  
because he had left his family behind, so while Conrad was deeply involved in an argument with  
the three other men, he escaped and hid at a Dave Clark Five concert. It had lots of fans, so he  
imagined they were cheering for him. On the whole, he had a thoroughly enjoyable time.  
  
Meanwhile, Conrad, finally discovered that Seth was missing. He immediately began setting up a  
search party. "You, look for him in the north side of town." He pointed at the man with beady  
eyes.  
  
The man looked a bit confused, but with a nudge from one of the others gravely set off.   
  
Next he addressed the man with the comb. "Look for him in the west side of town. I'll take the  
east and you," He nodded at a short man with long eyelashes "take the south side. We've got to  
find him! If he finds the police station I'm doomed!"  
  
Now you must know by this time that Conrad is a no good nick, but did you know that one of the  
three men he met on the train is an agent? And that another is his partner in the business? The  
third man is on his side, though very stupid.   
  
As soon as his friends were out of sight, the first man sauntered off to a fancy restaurant named  
Alice's Restaurant. I'll look for him later. he thought. Right now I'm craving a hamburger.   
  
So he ordered his hamburger, and it was delivered to his table all steaming and juicy. But he was  
dissatisfied because he had forgotten to ask the waiter to leave off the onions. Now all his  
condiments were stuck to the onions. The man didn't like to be wrong so decided to blame  
someone else for his mistake. "This an outrage!" he cried. "Waiter, I want to speak to the  
manager at once."  
  
The waiter solemnly lead him to a staircase in the back of the restaurant. He pointed to a door  
located at the top of the stairs.   
  
"So that's where the manager's hiding." he snarled as he began to ascend the staircase. "Well I be  
sure to tell your boss a thing or two." He opened the door. "And when I'm through I'll make ...  
sure..." He didn't finish, for there seated at the desk was an attractive woman. She looked up  
from her papers and stared at him through tortoise shell rimmed spectacles. Her brunette hair was  
piled up in a bun and a grey suit outlined her slim body.   
  
This man had always had a weakness for beautiful girls, and this one was no exception. He cleared  
his throat, and inquired in a nice mellow tone, "Do you know where the manager of the restaurant  
is?" He edged closer to the desk as he spoke.  
  
"I am the manager," she replied in a clear, soft voice. She took off her glasses revealing a pair of  
green eyes. She looked the man over, and murmured to herself, "He is rather handsome." "What do  
you wish to discuss with me? I'm immensely busy so make it short."  
  
He stepped closer and grabbing her hand he spoke, "Let's talk about us."  
  
Alice shot up like a spring from her chair. "Please Mr. . .".  
  
"Just call me Max," he responded.  
  
"This is highly irregular. I must insist that you leave." She raised her hand so she could point at the  
door, but realized in distress that Max was still holding it. "Please release my hand," she pleaded, but  
with no avail, for Max was bent on being heard.  
  
"You must listen to what I say!" he exclaimed. "I love you and I ask you here, in the presence of this  
leather chair, will you date me?"  
  
"I most certainly will not!" said Alice. She jerked her hand from his grasp.  
  
"You will too! You must. You cannot refuse me" was the vain answer.  
  
"I will not!" Alice threw a paperweight at Max. Unfortunately, she missed.   
  
"You will, too!" Max grabbed Alice by both arms.  
  
"I will, too!"  
  
*The audience laughs. Cut to commercial break*  
  
A/N: This was originally written for a different fandom that was taken off fanfiction. With the help  
of the brilliantly funny Alexis Rockford, I rewrote it for Get Smart. Enjoy, and if you have time, read  
her fic "In the Mood for KAOS." I guarantee you'll love it! 


	2. Would You Believe

Note: This is an exaggerated account of the Get Smart characters. Nothing is meant to be taken seriously. :)  
  
  
  
Chapter Two: Would You Believe? . . .  
  
Conrad and the man with the comb decided to leave Seth to his own fate, for the time being, anyway. They both happened to chance upon the Dave Clark Five concert, and knowing that their enemies sometimes used concerts as covers, resolved to sneak in and see how the performance was going.  
  
The gentleman with the long eyelashes complied with his friend's wishes and remained looking for the boy long after the others gave up on the expedition. Unfortunately, the south side of town was also the poor side of town. As the fellow trudged on deeper into the poor side of town, he was unaware of the fact that four eyes were watching his every move through the dusk of the evening. He was also oblivious to the fact that the owners of those eyes were each carrying a club which they used for the expressed purpose of mugging respectable men in suits with vests who wonder into their territory.   
  
As the muggers approached the ignorant man, a scream ushered forth from a nearby building sending the muggers on their way and the man to the ground.  
  
Shortly after the incident, he regained his composure, but his curiosity provoked him so much that he slunk cautiously over to the run down shack and peered inside the window.   
  
The building appeared to be a run-down, two-room house. In the corner of the living area/kitchen stood a table with one leg missing. Seated upon the table was a young woman of about eighteen. She had been the one who had produced the terrible screech. As the man examined the tiny house, the girl began screaming again. Suddenly, a new sound was heard. It started out far away and then came closer. The noise they heard came from the lips of Jenny Peters, an entertainer who appeared regularly on the television show Tom's Tunes. Tom was really quite a sleazy man that didn't pay his employees enough for their hard work, but Jenny couldn't get a better job, so she worked long hours to pay the rent for her small shack.   
  
The man cocked his head listening to the woman who was singing. The song she was singing went like this:   
  
"Oh! You've got that something.   
I think you'll understand   
when I say that something,  
I wanna hold your hand!"  
  
Jenny had reached her house now, so she abruptly stopped her singing. (She couldn't see the man because he was hiding in the shadows.) She pulled out a rusty key from her pocket and inserted it into the door.   
  
The man took this opportune time to introduce himself. He stepped out of the shadows to say urgently, "Lady!"  
  
The woman gasped in horror. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words could she utter.  
  
"Could I come in? I got lost and I need to warm myself up. I'll only take a moment of your spare time." He looked pleadingly at her with his dark blue eyes.  
  
"Certainly."   
  
The two tried to enter the door at the same time. Jenny smiled bashfully at the stranger, thinking he was the most handsome creature alive. The man cringed and entered behind her.  
  
Jenny folded her hands together. "Welcome to our humble home. This is my sister Christine," she gestured toward the girl who had been screeching.  
  
The girl spoke up. "Just call me Chrissy. No one ever calls me Christine." She hopped from one leg to the other.  
  
Jenny smiled sweetly. "Chrissy, don't you have some homework to do?" Her tawny hair was brilliantly illuminated by the bare light bulb, which hung crookedly from the ceiling.  
  
  
Chrissy gawked incredulously at Jenny before replying, "But, sis, its July!" Jenny's smile wavered as she led her annoying sibling into their bedroom. There were a series of commands ushered forth by Jenny proceeded by several complaints made by the indignant Chrissy.   
  
The fellow remained in the adjoining room, quite frightened as to what was happening. He believed that Jenny's disposal of her sister was merely a clever way of distracting her sister from what she was going to do, which was merely, kissing up to him! The man sought some place to conceal himself from worse than death, but before he could take one-step, Jenny reentered the room wearing a red feather boa. The song "She Loves You" was playing quietly in the background. Singing the words to the song, Jenny began to flirtatiously encircle him.   
  
As the Beatles began their last set of "yeahs", the man spoke up. "What're you doing?"  
  
Jenny stopped her bizarre antics. "Why, I thought it was obvious. I'm madly in love with you, and to prove my undying passion, I'm singing a love song. When this record finishes, you will make some sort of oration of your admiration for me."  
  
The man shook his head. "This is ridiculous; I'm going home." He strolled to the door. "Miss, I sincerely hope you get help." He opened the door to reveal the two thugs who had tried to hurt him earlier. The man took one look at their corrupt faces and slammed the door. "Alright, here's the scoop." He straitened his necktie and cleared his throat. Jenny fled to his side and grabbed his arm.   
  
"You do care a little about me!" she exclaimed. I knew you were meant for me the moment I laid eyes on you."  
  
"No, no, no!" snapped the man, nearly reducing Jenny to tears. "You can't! I'm not a man at all, I'm-" The man took off his hat revealing a soft cascade of long brunette hair. "-an undercover agent."  
  
Jenny's eyes nearly got sucked from their sockets. "Oh! I'm sorry!" she cried, turning completely beet-red. "I had no idea!"  
  
"That's the whole point!" exclaimed the female spy as she put her hair back up. "Now, pretend you don't know, all right? Our lives may depend upon it! If Conrad finds out that I'm not a KAOS agent . . ."  
  
Jenny's periwinkle eyes grew wide. "You mean we could both be killed?" She asked in desperation. Suddenly, her vision became blurry, and the room seemed to revolve. The woman stared at her in alarm as Jenny collapsed unto the floor.  
  
Chrissy had been eavesdropping the entire time. At the sound of a thud, she burst through the bedroom door, glanced at her sister, and screamed. "What have you done to her?" she yelled at the intruder.  
  
The woman looked about herself, searching vainly for a feasible explanation. "Would you believe she had a heart attack?" she asked, using her partner's favourite ploy for getting out of a jam.  
  
Chrissy was enraged. "Get out! Get out of here!" she hollered.  
  
She shrugged his shoulders and returned to town, receiving only a few scratches from the muggers since she had no money with her. Her quest for Seth had been futile.  
  
As it was mentioned before, Conrad and his crony, Starker, had gone to a Dave Clark Five concert. They had pulled their starched collars all the way up to their eyes, and had tipped their hats at oblique angle over their eyes. "Now we're unrecognizable," Conrad had explained.   
  
As they sneaked about the building, Starker, commented, "I'm hungry. Let's get ourselves a bite to eat over at the concession stand." He nodded toward the vendor, who was shouting about getting a nice plump hot dog. He ran over to the stand, but before he could order anything, Conrad stopped him.  
  
"Zis is KAOS!" he yelled. "Ve do not eat on zee job here! Besides, if our identity is discovered, ve're in for it!"  
  
  
"Aw, Siegfried!" he whined, using his boss's surname. "I've just got to have a frankfurter!"  
  
"You don't have to do anything, Shtarker, unless I tell you to!"  
  
But the stupid agent bought a hot dog from the suspicious vendor anyway, and was about to start eating it, when a familiar face checked him. He did a double take, and exclaimed all too nonchalantly, "Say, zere's our man, Seth, and he look's like he's about to buy himself a snack at zis stand."  
  
Siegfried perceived that his friend was right, grabbed Starker who was once again trying to bite into his frankfurter, and slid into a photo booth, closing the curtain behind them. "Not a vord of complaint, or I'll give it to you right in zee jaw," Conrad declared menacingly before his friend could protest. If the boy saw them, he would certainly call the police.  
  
Starker just slipped a couple coins into the photo machine, bit into his hot dog, and ordered with his mouth full, "Say 'Cheese'." The photo machine snapped a picture of an annoyed man and his mischievous friend.  
  
"You can be as intelligent as Smart at times," Siegfried pronounced. "Vich is not at all a complement, mind you. Now let's grab the little brat and continue our plan."   
  
Starker merely stuffed the rest of his hot dog into his mouth and nodded. He then pulled out a handkerchief and wiped the catsup and mustard off his face. Conrad rolled his eyes in disgust. Then, he drew back the curtain, and seeing that everybody else was preoccupied at the moment, slipped out. His colleague followed close behind him. Conrad von Siegfried straightened his skewed hat, and marched over to the unsuspecting Seth, who was begging the hot dog vendor to give him something.  
  
"Aw come on, Mister," Seth pleaded, "just one small insignificant morsel, please."  
  
"Sorry, kid, I'd like to help you, but you've gotta have cash. Or you can just scram," retorted the vendor. Disheartened and ravenous, Seth trudged away.  
  
Conrad took this opportune moment to try his scam. Acting as casual as can be, he dashed up to Seth. "Excuse me, boy, I seem to have lost my vatch, so would you be so kind, and tell me vat time it is." Unseen by Seth, he winked at Starker, who nodded in comprehension.   
  
Seth thought the accent was strangely, familiar, but he disregarded his apprehensive feeling. "I don't have a watch either," he responded politely.  
  
"Vat a pity. Vell, vy don't ve go find one together. My limo is out front."  
  
Seth realized too late his grave mistake. Of course the accent was familiar; his kidnapper had an accent like that! He whirled around trying to escape Conrad, also referred to as Siegfried or a scumbag, but was confronted by Starker, also called stupid! Seth could either go with the two man to be their hostage, or he had alternatives, kick, scream, and run for his life. He chose the latter and pushed Starker onto the floor. He then kicked Siegfried in the shins and stepped on his toes, eschewing his opponent's attacks. Seth made a beeline for the audience and soon was loss amidst the bleachers and applauding fans.   
  
Conrad recovered his injuries a bit before his comrade, so he helped Starker up. "Nice move, Shtarker!"  
  
"All right, so I goofed, big deal. Next time ve'll zink of something." They both contemplated for a brief second, then Starker snapped his finger on his left hand. "I've got it zis time, ole boy! Ve'll just track down zose other agents and tell zem to help us capture ze impudent child." Siegfried was a bit dubious, but after a brief meditation, he agreed. So the two schemers set off to find their pal and soon were explaining their occurrence to Max.   
  
"Well," Max started as he placed an arm around Alice, whom he had dragged with him. "I think we simply need to go to the Chicago Hall of the Arts and surprise the little devil incarnate."  
  
Conrad narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Who is zat voman and vat is she doing listening to our plan?"   
  
"She's my date for the evening," Max explained proudly. Siegfried's eyebrows flew up, and Starker's mouth flew open, both in surprise.   
  
Once the stupor dissolved, Max continued, "So who is it performing at the Hall, men?"   
  
"Dave Clark Five," they replied in unison.   
  
"Ah ha!" exclaimed the jubilant agent. "The old 'hide at the Dave Clark Five Concert,' trick, and we fell for it! I might've known. I just got wind that CONTROL is exchanging secrets in the dressing rooms of that very concert. We better make our move before they find our little friend and tell him who we really are." He grabbed his girl, and soon the KAOS agents were heading back to the Chicago Hall with Alice and him.   
  
Seth was having a grand old time. He had found some change, and had been able to buy a large, soft, salty pretzel. The songs were catchy, and the excitement level was to the extreme. The only thing missing was his adoptive sister, Laura. Then the inevitable occurred: the nasty kidnapper arrived and sent Seth running again. Seth didn't have time to think, so he bolted onto the stage, surprising the band members and alerting the police. He rushed backstage and headed for a little room marked "Janitor's Closet". He dodged the policemen and shut himself inside the closet.   
  
How angry the Dave Clark five were at Siggy and his cronies for interrupting their concert is not important, so we'll skip it. Let's just say that by the time they arrived backstage, they had been called more than a few foul names. "Vere is he?" Conrad demanded of the police.   
  
"The disturber is in the closet," one of the police informed him. "Is he yours?"   
  
"Yes, he's my charge." Conrad von Siegfried managed to evade all other inquisitions with a little help from his friends. The constables went back to their posts, and Conrad started pounding on the closet door.  
  
Inside the broom closet, Seth trembled. Would this agonizing day ever end?  
  
  
To Be Continued! 


	3. If You Don't Mind, 99

Chapter Three: If You Don't Mind, 99 . . .  
  
  
"Seth Loin, you come out of that closet and talk to me right now!" yelled Siegfried impatiently.  
  
"No way, you nasty kidnapper!" shouted Seth as bravely as he could muster. Conrad argued with him and threatened to leave Seth in the broom closet to starve. He was about to curse at the youth, but Alice checked him.  
  
"Let me try to persuade him," she said. She cleared her throat several times and began. "Seth, dear, you're not being very reasonable. You surely will starve if you continue to live in the broom closet."  
  
"I can live off the concession stand," Seth retorted.  
  
"Vith vat money?" Starker asked saucily.  
  
"Besides, the concession stands aren't open when there's no concert going on," added Max unnecessarily.  
  
Alice continued, "Please be a dear boy and come with us. I own a restaurant, and you could get some supper."  
  
"Yeah!" agreed Max. "You could get a hamburger with all the condiments sticking to the onion!" Alice glared at him as if to say "that won't get him to change his mind."  
  
"Or a frankfurter," added Starker, thinking of his own hasty dinner.  
  
"Or something entirely different from these fast foods," Conrad told the boy behind the broom closet door. Seth pondered over these things briefly and wondered if he should give the kidnapper a second chance to redeem himself. He hesitated, but when his stomach growled, wanting more sustenance, he caved in. He opened the door a crack and peered at the anxious group of strangers. "Who's that girl, Conrad?" asked Seth, trying to sound nonchalant.  
  
"Non of your beeswax," replied Max, putting a possessive arm around Alice, as if Seth might try to steal her away. Siegfried and Starker rolled their eyes. They were beginning to have serious doubts about their partner in crime. And that voice! Vere, oh vere had they heard it before?  
  
After a brief silence, Seth followed the men, who sneaked passed the police to Alice's restaurant. He ate the seafood combo, which included lobster, shrimp, crab and frog legs, a salad, and fresh baked bread sticks. The mere mention of frog legs made Starker turn green, which started Max laughing. No one even knew why frog legs were considered seafood. When Seth couldn't eat any more, Max and Starker took over diminishing the plentiful meal, even though they had both already eaten. Siegfried just sighed in disgust and ate his steak. Soon Seth became very drowsy, so Max took him to lie down in Alice's office. As Max was returning to his meal, the female agent, still disguised as a male, burst through the restaurant door.  
  
"Hello!" she cried in a deep, manly voice as she joined her friends at the table.The CONTROL cross-dresser, who called herself Nathan, explained his previous episode with the lovely Jenny Peters. She caught his breath and added, "The worst part of it all is that she knows our predicament, so we have to take her along!" Her friends stared at her wondering if she was insane. Nathan took a bite of the crabmeat, which Max and Starker had been ignoring, chewed thoroughly, and corrected herself. "That is if we don't decide to kill her."   
  
Max looked horrified. "Well, you're not killing mine!" He rushed over to Alice and tried to protect her from Nathan's stony gaze. Unfortunately, he got too close and knocked the poor girl out of her seat   
  
Nathan, who had sat in the only vacant seat left, which was next to Siegfried, continued her glare, but redirected it to Max. "Who is that girl?" she asked, the venom in her voice stinging the ears of her companions.  
  
"Would you believe a long lost cousin?" fumbled Max. The look he received from Nathan blew that old ploy out of the water. "How about-" he began feebly.  
  
"No!" the other agents shouted. Max covered his ears in pain as Alice struggled to get up from the entanglement she had formed with her chair. Starker, looking bored, took the two remaining bread sticks and used them as drum sticks. Then when the maitre' d came over to the table to tell him to stop, he began to eat them. Max found this humorous, but dirty looks from Nathan and Conrad stifled his chuckles. The maitre' d stuck his nose into the air and returned to his post by the front door. Starker imitated the steward, and the two moronic agents couldn't control themselves anymore. They both began laughing hysterically. They were laughing so loudly, they didn't notice the gun that Conrad had pulled on them. But Nathan did. She cleared her throat loudly and pointed at the offensive weapon. It was amazing how quiet they became after that.  
  
Suddenly, they heard a scream. Nathan found the source of the shout and exclaimed, "By George, it's Jenny!" She sprung up from the table. "Excuse me, my friends," she said, "I've got some business to attend to." She linked arms with Jenny and pulled her to a far corner of the restaurant. "What are you doing here? I told you to run far, far away and never see me again or you run the high risk of being killed. Then I was going to tell those enemy agents that you had escaped when I wasn't looking. It was so simple, how could you have goofed up?"  
  
"I got hungry," the beautiful but stupid blonde explained in a pouting voice.  
  
"Well, I'm sure you'll lose your appetite entirely once you're being held at gunpoint!" snapped Nathan.  
  
"Could that really happen?" asked Jenny in disbelief.  
  
"It just happened to my boyf- I mean partner, Max," she hissed, pointing at the afore mentioned agent. To her chagrin, Alice was sitting in his lap and cooing sweet nothings in his ear. "Excuse me," said Nathan as she marched angrily toward Max.  
  
Max grinned sheepishly and motioned for Alice to get her own chair. Nathan smiled in an overly saccharine way and returned to her charge. To her surprise, she had vanished. "Oh, brilliant," she sighed in exasperation as she returned to the table.  
  
"Vat vas taking so long?" demanded Siegfried.   
  
"I was just giving her some pointers about how to be a spy," she lied. "I figured, if she became a KAOS agent, we wouldn't have to kill her."  
  
"How vould ve know if ve could trust her?" inquired Conrad.  
  
"The same way you know you can trust me," replied Max in a matter-of-fact tone as he absently played with the edge of Alice's skirt.  
  
Nathan and Conrad merely gave him an icy stare for the umpteenth time that evening. "If ve can trust you, something is really vrong," muttered the fiendish German agent.  
  
"Something must be really wrong then," said Max with a grin.  
  
"Vill you excuse me, Shtarker," Siggy said evilly. He got up to drag Max out of the room.  
  
Fearing for her partner's life, Nathan pulled out a pistol from her overcoat and aimed it at Conrad. "Drop him!" she commanded.  
  
"If you don't mind, 99, I can handle this myself," Max said indignantly. He struggled to release himself from Siegfried's grasp, but it was useless. "Then again," he began in a panicked voice, "maybe we should just go with the 'drop him' idea."  
  
"I cannot believe my ears!" moaned Conrad. "You vere Maxvell Shmart all along! How could I be so shtupid?"  
  
"Actually, quite easily," remarked Smart with an air of triumph. "Our disguises were so impenetrable that I doubt our own mothers would've recognized us."  
  
"But Max," Nathan, otherwise known as 99, reminded him, "We aren't even wearing disguises."  
  
"Oh, right," admitted Maxwell Smart. "Gee, Siegfried, I don't know how you could've been so stupid!"  
  
Conrad saw this little argument as an opportunity to escape. He grabbed Starker and Alice, whom he forced to disclose the location of her office so they could retrieve the still sleeping Seth.  
  
"Oh, Max, they're getting away!" 99 cried as soon as she realized Siegfried's plan.  
  
"Not, to worry, 99," said Max, unconcerned. "We still have the upper hand. For whatever reason, the boy is what they want, and they won't leave without him."  
  
"But Max, they've got him!" she said, pointing to the escaping trio.  
  
"Now, we can start to worry," mumbled Max in embarrassment. The two CONTROL agents began the chase, leaving the restaurant's other occupants in wonder and shock over what had just occurred.  
  
"Where are you taking me?" asked a breathless Alice.   
  
"To marry me, mein lieb," replied Siegfried as amorously as a killer agent could.  
  
"Oh, Conrad, how romantic!" sighed Alice dreamily. "That Maxwell Smart only wanted to have a one night fling with me!"  
  
"Zat dirty, no-good law-abiding fink!" Conrad exclaimed in mock disgust. Of course, Siegfried didn't really want to marry Alice either, but it was better to have a wife than worry about her joining up with zat treacherous Maxvell Shmart again.  
  
Conrad and Alice wasted no time in preparing for the wedding. Every day, Conrad worked his brainwashing scheme on poor Seth with the machine that sounded like a fire alarm. Seth never guessed that the strange noise was a secret weapon.   
  
Soon Alice added to her restaurant sign. It had the restaurant's name still, but now it read underneath: You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant (excepting Alice). Siegfried and his bride-to-be also bought a mansion in an expensive subdivision, where Alice and Seth could live while Conrad was busy trying to rule the world. Unknown to them, Max and 99 decided to buy a mansion there also, so they were neighbors and could spy on the enemy agent with ease. They had no notion at the time that Alice was actually going to marry Siegfried or they wouldn't have waited as long to take action on the rebellious agents.  
  
All the while Seth was there, making suggestions and creating havoc. He became quite chummy with Siggy's friend, Starker. He even stopped missing Laura as much. In fact, he was kept busy most of the time so he didn't have time to think of her.   
  
Soon the day of the wedding arrived. Only a handful of people arrived for the event, even though a hundred were invited. This was probably due to the fact that all of Conrad's friends were dead or in some federal prison. Seth was a little angry at Conrad that day, for Starker had been taunting him about how he was going to have a new mother and father, but he couldn't even keep his sister.   
  
When Conrad and Alice were being married, Seth noticed a strange girl sitting in the front pew with a pretty blond lady. The girl was also blond and was attired in an olive-green dress with tight elastic sleeves. She smiled widely at everyone throughout the service, a fact which quite annoyed the disgruntled Seth. Seth was just about to yell a dirty word at her when he realized that the blond lady next to her was Jenny Peters, the most popular performer on Tom's Tunes, Seth's favorite TV. show. He realized that this must be Jenny's sister, Chrissy Peters, who often guest starred on her show. He waved at her, and she waved back. The preacher saw this and solemnly waited for this foolishness to end. Then, the service commenced and Seth didn't do anything else inappropriate till the end of the service.  
  
After the wedding, Chrissy walked up to Seth and held hands with him as they walked out of church. Seth blushed excessively during this ordeal, noticing she smelled like garbage.  
  
Before Seth could comment her on what she smelled like, the young lady said, "Hi my name is Christine Peters, but my friends call me Chrissy."  
  
"Am I your friend?"  
  
"I don't know. I can't fathom why we even invited to this wedding. My sister and I don't know anyone here except Nathan and her husband."  
  
Seth started and cried in bewilderment, "Husband? Isn't Nathan a male name?"  
  
"Yes, but she's a bit strange." Chrissy gazed suspiciously around herself before continuing, "She claims to be a government agent." Seth just nodded, dazed. "Well," Chrissy added brightly, "we won't have to live in a dump anymore, cause we moved in with Max and Nathan last night! I don't think Max was too enthusiastic about us living with him, but Nathan insisted, so there's nothing he can do about it!"   
  
Seth smiled at Chrissy, and, as their eyes met, an electric shock went straight up his spine. Seth stared curiously at the young woman, trying to place the strange sensation.   
  
Chrissy leaned toward him and said, "You feel it, too, I see. I didn't believe in love at first sight until now." She leaned even closer to Seth, and their lips were about to touch, when Conrad interrupted them with his sneering gaze and impudent remarks.  
  
"I zot I told you to keep away from Maxvell Shmart and his little friends." Conrad motioned for Seth to get in closer to him as if what he was about to say was confidential. "Now Alice and I are going to leave on our honeymoon soon. You are to shtay with Shtarker at our house and not talk to anyone but him until be get back, understand?" Seth nodded, but was secretly planning to stay with Nathan, Max, Jenny, and Chrissy.  
  
"Are you ready to go, my darling?" Alice asked, hands on her hips, clearly not amused.  
  
"Yes, I believe so. Goodbye, Seth, and remember what I told you. Oh, and if you should ever have the misfortune to run into Shmart, for ze lieb of Gott, kill him!"  
  
Seth, having already been brainwashed to do whatever Siegfried told him, gave a respectful nod and a salute. Then Conrad and Alice exited the chapel, were pelted with rice, and shoved into a limousine.   
  
Seth watched as the black car sped out of sight and rubbed his hands together greedily. Now he could do whatever he wanted! Of course, if he happened to bump into Agent 86, which was almost a given since he planned to stay at his house, he had to bump him off, but that should be pretty easy. Conrad had already told him what a bumbling idiot Max was. It would be a cinch to kill the moronic agent. Seth was shaken from his evil thoughts by a light hand on his shoulder.  
  
It was Jenny Peters, beaming from ear to ear. "You're to stay with Max and us while Conrad and Alice are on their honeymoon. And we should head over to Max's house right now because he's hosting a big party and it would be awfully strange for the guests to arrive at the party before the host." She laughed merrily and offered Seth her hand, and the two hurried to the other awaiting limo. Seth grinned wondering if his new friend was a mind reader.  
  
The party was a blast as far as Seth could tell, though he did think that Max's consumption of alcohol was way out of control. In fact, at one point, he was drinking two scotches and puffing two cigarettes at the same time. Seth only found this droll when the cigarettes landed in the drinks.   
  
What he didn't find hilarious, was the fact that Chrissy had declined his offer of dancing, but was eager to get on the dancing floor when Max asked her. In fact, he and 99 both became very enraged when, as they watched the giddy couple, they realized Max was quite attracted to her, and vice versa.   
  
So much for love at first sight, he thought forlornly and bitterly. The party lasted well after midnight, but Seth refused to go to bed until all the guests had left. Seth was extremely tired and cross when they finally made their departure at two a.m.  
  
Chrissy was still in ecstasy, which put him even less out of humor. In fact as she gaily remarked about the charm and debonair style of "dear old Max," he couldn't help but say, "I suppose the fact that Max was half drunk all night and probably mistook you for his wife, made his charm so much more pronounceable."  
  
Chrissy gasped in astonishment, and, as her lower lip began to tremble, she pounded upstairs to her bedroom.  
  
Max scratched his head in contemplation. "I didn't know I had a wife!"  
  
99 laughed gaily and took her "husband" aside. "You do now, remember?" she asked between clenched teeth.  
  
"Oh, sure," he replied tipsily. "We're posing as a married couple so ole Siggy won't suspect that we bought this house just to spy on him. But honey," he continued as he staggered to the floor. "I don't think it's working." 99 sighed in exasperation and bitter disappointment as she dragged him to his feet and started to walk him up the stairs.   
  
Seth stood in the middle of confetti, paper plates, bits of food, and broken glasses. "Who's going to help me clean up?" he whined loudly.  
  
"What did you say, dear?" 99 stopped on one of the stairs. Unfortunately, Max wasn't prepared for this halt and the jolt pulled him off his feet and set him tumbling down the stairs. "Oh! Max, darling!" 99 screeched as she ran down the stairs to see if her love was all right.  
  
"I'm all right, dear." Max scrambled to his feet, but immediately fell back onto the floor.   
  
Seth rushed over to kill Max while he was in this vulnerable position, but fortunately 99 didn't see Seth approaching. Worried for her partner's welfare, she flapped her hands anxiously, knocking Seth in the face. "I'm so sorry, Seth! Let me help you." She peered at his face closely, and once convinced that he had no bruises, went to the aid of her limping husband. When they had disappeared upstairs, Seth hurried to Chrissy's room and knocked the door.  
  
"Chrissy, I'm sorry about what I said," Seth shouted over the noise. "And I need your help. I think I've been brainwashed or something because every time I see Max, I want to kill him. Can you help me?"  
  
Several seconds later, the door opened, revealing Chrissy. "Why should I believe you, Seth Loin?" she inquired politely and intellectually. She began to close the door, but Seth stuck his foot in just in time.  
  
"Chrissy, wait! I am living with a K. A. O. S. agent, aren't I?"   
  
The door opened a little more, alleviating a lot of the pressure that was on Seth's foot. "That's KAOS," replied Chrissy.   
  
"Whatever," said Seth. "I would tell Max himself, but I would be afraid that I'd kill him during the interview. What should I do?" The door opened even wider, and Seth saw part of Chrissy's pretty face. "Come on, Chrissy, you have to help me. Ok, maybe Max wasn't drunk. Though I've seen drunken men, and Max was behaving an awful lot like-" The door slammed shut on his foot. "OOOOOWWWWW!" he cried as he pulled his very sore foot loose from the door.  
  
"Seth!" Chrissy seemed to have suddenly materialized in the hallway. "Are you okay? Let me examine your foot- oh your eye's swollen, too!"  
  
"99 accidentally hit my eye; you just take care of the damage you've done." Seth sprawled out on the floor, writhing in pain.   
  
"I'll kill myself if anything is permanently maimed." Chrissy stopped inspecting Seth's foot long enough to gaze into his eyes and say softly, "You're forgiven. And I will discuss the situation with Max and . . . Her name is 99, not Nathan?"  
  
"I guess so. That's what Max always calls her. They are agents, too, right?"  
  
"Both of them? I thought only 99 was. Well we had better turn in for the night."  
  
"Yeah, and Chrissy? Thanks."  
  
"You're welcome, Seth."  
  
And Seth would have allowed his foot to be mauled a thousand times to hear that simple yet wonderful phrase.  
  
  
To Be Continued!   
  
  
Author's Note: Thanks for reviewing my fic. PLEASE Keep them coming 


	4. CONTROL Investigates

Chapter Four: CONTROL Investigates  
  
Perhaps it has crossed your mind of what became of Seth's sister Laura. It hasn't? Oh well, the information will be told anyway.  
  
After being abandoned in the warehouse, Laura decided to follow the nasty kidnapper and hitch hike. Unfortunately, she met up with a group of shady characters, and her exploits with them will be excluded from the story. The main point is that she somehow ended up in Washington instead of Chicago. This was all right being her Aunt Linda and Uncle Roger lived there, and soon she was reunited with them.  
  
Her aunt and uncle were only brother and sister, and had been living together for several years, he a confirmed old bachelor and she an old maid. Roger was a conservative congressman and though he was not very popular in town, he made a decent salary and voiced his traditional opinions on a daily basis. While her brother was away handling affairs of national importance,  
Linda worked at a music store where she sold millions of records.  
  
Laura felt right at home in Washington, but she missed her brother terribly and worried constantly for his welfare. Finally, after relating the horrible kidnapping scene scores of times, Roger and Linda decided to travel to Chicago to rescue poor Seth. But no matter where they searched, they could not find the lad. So they hired a detective from the Chicago S.P.I.E.S. (Service for People with Interesting EventS.), an out-of-town branch of CONTROL. With the help of their secret agent man, Mr. Smith, they were able to locate Seth's whereabouts.  
  
Linda opened the door and admitted Agent Smith into the hotel room. "Miss, I have the location of your nephew and his kidnapper."  
  
Linda leaned against the door. "Thank God!"   
  
"He seems to be in the hands of a most villainous bunch of characters."  
  
Laura bounded in the room in time to here him say that last remark. "I bet they're not as evil or insane as the people I met up with!" she bragged. "Did I tell you about the crackpot who was driving a truck full of eggs and was caught speeding by the police. His excuse for speeding was he had to hurry to the hospital before all the chickens were born. Another guy asked me if I liked the Beatles, and when I told him no, he went up in arms. Why should I like a black insect that has a crunchy exoskeleton and when you stomp on it, its guts spurt everywhere? Some people may like beetles, but not me."  
  
"Laura, please stop your babbling," Linda pleaded. She turned to Agent Smith. "Do you have a picture of the criminals?"  
  
Agent Smith nodded and produced several large photographs from the pocket of his green suit. "My secret cameramen got these snapshots yesterday, and they were just developed a few hours ago."   
  
  
When Linda saw the pictures, she gave a choked scream, and the photographs fell to the floor. Laura retrieved the pictures to gaze at them eagerly. She was disappointed at the sight she saw. Instead of hardened criminals, she saw three women and one man, none of them the kidnapper, dressed in jeans and tee shirts, two of which were wrestling on the grass outside an elaborate mansion. Their hair was unmanageable masses on their heads, and they both were in contorting positions. The man appeared to be shouting and simpering at the same time, while one woman seemed to be screaming bloody murder as she was attacked by a second woman, a blonde girl with lanky arms and a skinny body who had a twisted expression on her face. Nearby, a brunette woman with long lashes waved frantically for the man to do something.  
  
"These are the menacing criminals?" Laura asked, astonished. "What has become of America?"   
  
"Two of them are trying to harm each other. Isn't that proof enough that they're dangerous?" Agent Smith looked annoyed.  
  
"Where's the blood, the gore, the terrifying malice that is a quintessential bad guy trait?" Laura pulled at her black hair in agony.  
  
"Which one kidnapped you and your brother?"   
  
"None of these!" she exclaimed in despair. "I've never seen any of these people in my life."  
  
Agent Smith looked shocked at this bit of information. "That's impossible! Why-wait a minute. The man in this picture is one of our top agents, Maxwell Smart, and the brunette woman is Agent 99 of CONTROL!" He scratched his head. "Are you SURE your brother was kidnapped? Because if so, Agents 86 and 99 stand to lose their jobs."   
  
"Yes, he was kidnapped but-"  
  
"Well Smart," interrupted Agent Smith, "it looks like it's the end of the line for you." He loaded his revolver and was about to set off after the former CONTROL agent when Uncle Roger entered the room.  
  
"What's going on?" Uncle Roger asked. After being informed about the situation, he shook his head angrily. "It all makes sense now. Agent 86 must have kidnapped Seth so they could get information about my politics. Then they will probably try to impeach me because they don't believe in what I stand for!"  
  
"Um Roger, spies can't impeach people," Linda began hesitantly.  
  
"They can assassinate people!" he retorted.   
  
"Why would anyone go to all that bother just for you?" Laura asked politely.  
  
Roger glared at his niece and muttered sarcastically, "Thanks a lot."  
  
"No problem, Uncle Roger!"  
  
Under his breath he added, "Now I know why the kidnapper left Laura at the warehouse."  
  
Mr. Smith looked grimly at the "sorry lot" as he called them and asked, "So am I to make an arrest?" His red hair seemed to bristle impatiently at them all.  
  
"No!" Laura and Linda cried in unison. "Yes!" bellowed Uncle Roger.  
  
"Which answer is it?" Agent Smith removed his sharp sunglasses and stared expectantly at them.  
  
"Mine!" They all replied.  
  
"I take it you're going to let these villains go free." Agent Smith picked up his photographs.  
  
  
"Not totally, because we're going to rescue Seth from the-" Aunt Linda sighed before continuing, "secret agents."  
  
"Yeah," Laura agreed, "It's not fair that he should be living in constant danger and excitement and not me- I mean- us."  
  
"We'll rescue him at night to avoid publicity." Agent Smith turned to the door. "Do you wish to be present during this event?"  
  
Aunt Linda, Uncle Roger, and Laura all looked at each other and said simultaneously, "Yes."   
  
*************************  
  
"It's the night of the 20th," Agent Smith stated quietly into his tape player as he headed toward High Society Boulevard.  
  
"Wait for me!" called Laura, scampering at a break neck speed to the secluded neighborhood where her brother lived. In fact, she was going so quickly, she passed Agent Smith.  
  
"Sh!" responded Mr. Smith, still speaking into the tape player. "If anyone catches us, it will be your head. This is a restricted area."  
  
"What does that mean?" Laura practically yelled.  
  
"Quiet!" Mr. Smith commanded the rambunctious teen.  
  
"What does that mean?" whispered Laura in a barely audible voice.  
  
Mr. Smith smiled an evil smile. "It means that there are security guards everywhere making sure no one gets in the neighborhood except people who live there."  
  
Aunt Linda spoke for the first time. "You mean we're breaking the law?"  
  
Mr. Smith nodded, and Laura exclaimed, "Totally gear and fab and all those other pimply hyperboles!" Mr. Smith motioned for her to be quiet again.  
  
"Obey Mr. Smith's gesture, Laura," ordered Aunt Linda. "If we ever want to see the-" she paused and sighed again, "secret agents, we have to be extra careful, especially if we're breaking the law." She glared at Mr. Smith at this last part.  
  
"Ok. Ok. I get your point," Laura retorted. "I'm just a little excited."  
  
"A little?!" Aunt Linda shook her head in disbelief.  
  
"Won't Seth get angry if we intrude on the secret agents and whisk him away with us?" Uncle Roger stared expectantly at Mr. Smith.  
  
"He should be pleased to meet his uncle and aunt and cause no problems whatsoever." Mr. Smith seemed overconfident.  
  
"You obviously don't know my brother." Laura made a strange face. "I know he'll cause all sorts of trouble for us."  
  
Agent Smith came to a halt in front of one of the mansions and turned to Laura. "If you don't want to die, then you'd better not spy."  
  
"DIE!" repeated Aunt Linda, horrified.  
  
"It's just our motto, ma'am." Agent Smith reassured her. Then he whipped out a gun. Everyone gasped in alarm, and Mr. Smith explained to the frightened group, "We're here."  
  
Meanwhile inside the house, Chrissy was just settling down to her romance novel. "Where was I?" she asked herself giddily. She was in a splendid mood, for earlier that evening Seth had taken her to the drive-in-theater. She recalled how exhilarating it was to sit with Seth Loin's arm around her while he tried to grab the popcorn, the electric thrill when Max, who was seated in the back with 99, shouted, "Hey, sweetheart, move your darling head a little. I can't see the screen." Oh, yes, tonight had definitely been a night worth remembering.  
  
"Now, I think I was on the part where he said, 'Darling I love y-' What was that noise?" Chrissy had heard the intruders outside. Her heart pounding, she crept to her window and saw two men and women peering into Max's house! "Assassins! I've got to tell somebody, and fast!"  
  
To Be Continued! 


	5. He Came, He Saw HELP!

Chapter Five: He Came, He Saw . . . HELP!  
  
  
"MAX! 99! JENNY! SETH!" Chrissy screamed as she descended the stairs. In fact, she was so busy shouting out names that she didn't see who was leaning on the railing at the bottom of the stairs until she had collided head on with him! As result, she and Seth were sent sprawling to the floor.  
  
Max glanced at the two bodies lying in a tangled heap on the ground. "Now there's something you don't see everyday," he commented in his usual simpering manner.  
  
Seth rubbed his elbow, and painfully got to his feet. "I feel like I was just stampeded by thousands of screaming fans."  
  
"Well, you're not that far off from the truth." Max helped Chrissy to her feet.   
  
Max expected a word of thanks for his assistance, but instead all Chrissy said was, "Guys, look, there are spies outside, spies that are armed and dangerous!" The agents stared blankly at her for an instant, and then they all burst out laughing.   
  
"Spies! That's a great one!" chortled Seth, who knew very well that Chrissy was most likely telling the truth.  
  
"That girl definitely has a sense of humor!" 99 interjected between laughs. Aside, she whispered to Max. "Siegfried must be back! We must protect Seth from him!."  
  
"Her humor almost surpasses my own," Max joked. Quietly, he remarked, "I've got everything under control, just act naturally."  
  
Now Jenny did not find the situation hilarious. In fact, she was the only one that believed she was lying, so she scolded her sister. "I'm ashamed of you, Chrissy."  
  
Chrissy has endured the laughter with patience and a crimsoned face- after all, Seth, 99, and Max all knew that their neighbors were espionage experts and might be watching them- but her sister's criticism was too much. Instead of getting angry and yelling, she quietly walked over to the window that faced Conrad's house and pulled up the blinds to reveal a terrified Linda, a flabbergasted Uncle Roger, and a star-struck Laura. What was Mr. Smith doing? He was standing calmly outside, his gun pointed at the window.  
  
The agents looked at Mr. Smith, looked at the gun, looked at themselves, and then decided to forgo their bravado and follow natural human instincts. 99 slid under a coffee table, which was a ridiculous place to hide since her long legs stuck out from underneath. Jenny just hid behind the couch, for she was scared stiff and couldn't think of anywhere else to go. Seth sought refuge in the coat closet, and Max hid on the stairs. Actually, he had been trying to run up the stairs, but remembering his tumble of the night before, he had become literally paralyzed with fear halfway up. Chrissy was screaming, petrified, while she picked up the nearest weapon, a shot glass full of Scotch, and was bravely waiting for the intruders.  
  
Laura watched these whole proceedings from outside, fascinated. "How are we gonna get inside to save Seth?"  
  
  
"Simple, since the window is locked, I'll break it open with my gun and unlock it form the inside. Then we simply climb in." Mr. Smith proceeded to do just that, except he accidentally stuck his empty hand into the window instead.   
  
"Uh, that wasn't right," Laura pronounced diplomatically. Mr. Smith stared at his mauled hand and fled, howling in pain.  
  
"Well, the window is opened anyhow!" Uncle Roger said. After unlocking it carefully, he open it all the way and then climbed in. Laura and Linda followed in suit.   
  
As soon as she entered the mansion, Linda headed straight for the coat closet. "Seth, it's your sister Laura!" she called and waited for a response. When none came, she continued, "You do remember me, don't ya?"  
  
"Of course I remember you," came the muffled reply, "I was just trying to figure out if it was really you speaking, or an assassin mimicking your voice."  
  
Chrissy opened her mouth to speak and immediately took a swig of the Scotch in her hand. She opened her mouth again and made a horrible gagging noise. "Oh, this drink is awful!" she cried, wiping her mouth as if that would make the disgusting taste disappear. "How can you drink this stuff?"  
  
Roger gazed at the glass and then at the choking Chrissy. "Women." He wandered over to the closet tripping on 99's legs in the process. "Seth Lennard Loin, This is your Uncle Roger speaking. I command you come out of the closet now!"  
  
There was several scuffling noises and then came the reply, "The closet door won't open! It stuck good and proper," added Seth from behind the door.   
  
"Oh! Good heavens! Seth!" Chrissy race to the closet and likewise tripped on 99. "99, get out from under the table," she ordered in exasperation. 99 did several contortions and managed to crawl out from under the coffee table.  
  
Suddenly, Max yelled, "Argh!" when he peaked through one of the stair railings, getting his head stuck in the process. He jolted back and forth, but to no avail. He was stuck tightly, just like Seth.  
  
Jenny popped up from behind the couch and stared at Max in dismay and disgust. "A fine kettle of fish *you've* gotten yourself into, Smart."  
  
"I bet it's your fault that all these strangers are attacking us," Chrissy added angrily.  
  
"Why me?" Smart asked indignantly.  
  
"Why not you?" Chrissy countered.  
  
"The reason we're here is because you kidnapped our nephew," Aunt Linda explained impatiently. "We are not going to have you arrested, though, because you're (sigh) secret agents."  
  
"That's very kind of you," said Max half sarcastically and half jovially. Then he proceeded to rattle the railings and shout, "Get me out, 99!"  
  
"If you're not going to arrest us, who was that man with the gun?" 99 inquired suspiciously.  
  
Clapping her hands in acknowledgment, Jenny said impertinently, "You can't ignore that factor now can you? I mean why else would a person have a gun?"  
  
"Unless he wanted to kill us," interjected Max from his uncomfortable position in the railings. Jenny and Chrissy exchanged a glance that only each other could understand and raced at their assailants.   
  
  
Unfortunately, at that moment 99 pried the closet door open and Jenny was conked in the head by the opened door. "Oh, bloody!" she groaned as she landed on the floor, clutching her nose and head.  
  
99 turned in concern to look at Jenny, and in that brief moment, Uncle Roger grabbed her by the shoulders and held a part of the broken window frame over her head menacingly. "Hand over Seth, or this girl gets it on her crown good and hard like her friend." Everyone instantly paused.  
  
"Roger, what are you doing?" cried Aunt Linda in distress. Uncle Roger didn't answer, except to growl fiercely.  
  
"No, No, Uncle Roger, I'm supposed to go into my heartrending oration about how I'm willing to sacrifice my liberty and take Seth's place so he can go free!" Laura looked morose.   
  
"Well, it's too late for a pathetic elocution. We've dilly dallied long enough with these blackhearts." Uncle Roger glared evilly at Jenny, Chrissy, and Maxwell. "This one's for the Republican Party!" He raised the windowpane even higher in the air and was about to bring it down on poor 99's head, when Chrissy gave on of her piercing screeches. It startled Uncle Roger so much that he dropped the window frame (not on 99's head, thank goodness.)  
  
"Ayah!" Chrissy dove at Uncle Roger and sent him crashing to the floor.   
  
Jenny wiped her bloody nose and then followed in suit. "No one picks on my friends and lives to tell about it!" She tackled Uncle Roger who was trying to regain his footing.   
  
Seth stared at the pandemonium and yelled, "Stop! No one is gonna beat up anybody!"  
  
Max looked up from his position in the railing. "Spoilsport. That was an excellent performance."  
  
"You're right; I am a spoilsport, but I don't want my good friends beating up my relatives."  
  
"But your uncle was trying to kill 99!" Chrissy protested angrily. 99 nodded in agreement, rubbing her shoulders.  
  
"He was only trying to protect me," Seth paused, "I think."  
  
Uncle Roger got to his feet. "I admit I got carried away, and I'm sorry." He tried to pat 99's shoulders, but 99 eschewed his gesture just in time.  
  
"Should we send them away for you?" asked Jenny.  
  
"Look, I love you guys, but these *are* my relatives and they *do* have the real custody over me." Seth ran a hand through his sandy brown hair as he stared at Chrissy. "I'm gonna miss you all, but I have to go."  
  
Max sniffed, oblivious to the fact that he was still stuck in the railings. All the others took the news in the same manner, though Max swore afterward that he was not sniffling. Chrissy took the news much worse. "Oh, Seth, I'm sorry about the way I've treated you, I mean, the foot thing, and I really wish I could make it up to you and I feel so terrible-oh I *know* I'm going to cry."   
  
She began to sob, but Seth placed a hand lovingly on her shoulder. "It's all right, Chrissy; I forgive you."  
  
The wailing instantly stopped. "Okay." she ran over to Smart. "Are you all right?"  
  
"Geesh, what a fickle woman." Seth rolled his eyes in disgust. "There goes *that* romance." He walked over to his family. "I'm ready to go now."  
  
His relatives stared uncomfortably at each other. "Well, we were thinking," Aunt Linda began tentatively.  
  
"Yah," interrupted Laura, "and we decided that we want you to- to-"  
  
"Stay in Chicago with your friends," Uncle Roger finished.  
  
  
Seth stared at his family incredulously as the sheer brilliancy of the idea sunk in. "You'd let me stay?"   
  
"Well," Uncle Roger began, "I was really only trying to make amends but-"  
  
"He means yes," Aunt Linda interrupted her ranting brother.  
  
"Woo Hoo! I can stay in Chicago with you guys!" Seth grabbed Chrissy, who was intently conversing with Maxwell Smart at the moment, and spun her around. Still not thinking, he leaned forward and kissed her on the lips!  
  
Chrissy sputtered at this romantic gesture, but suddenly she smiled and kissed him back! "Well, you certainly know how to sweep a lady off her feet," Jenny exclaimed.  
  
"He takes after a pro, you know," Max quipped. Everyone rolled his or her eyes.  
  
"As long as it's him kissing her and not me," 99 concluded solemnly. Then she smiled superiorly at Max as she added, "Though I wouldn't mind getting all that attention from a handsome young man like Seth."  
  
"Well, I guess that clinches the proposition," said Aunt Linda. "You'll stay here with these secret agents, since they obviously have your best interest at heart." Aunt Linda realized it was the first time she hadn't sighed when she spoke the words "secret agents," so to make up for it, she sighed twice.  
  
"But I want you to take me away!" Seth exclaimed suddenly. "Or I'll kill Max!"  
  
"What the heck are you talking about?" demanded Uncle Roger.  
  
"Well, it seems that a very devious KAOS agent named Conrad Siegfried has brainwashed your nephew to dispose of me," explained Smart.  
  
"Oh," said Roger very calmly. Then, as the realization of what Max had said sunk in, he bellowed, "WHAT?!"  
  
"He's the one who kidnapped me to begin with," Seth piped up. "That's why Max and 99 invited me to stay here while Siggy's on his honeymoon. They are trying to unbrainwash me by the time they get back."  
  
"You were STAYING with an ENEMY AGENT!" shouted Roger. "Don't you realize that Conrad is trying to get to me by kidnapping you? After you killed off Smart, he was probably going to have you kill me!"  
  
"So that's what his plan is!" exclaimed Smart in revelation. "Of course, I knew that all the time. I was just keeping a low profile." Nobody believed him.  
  
Jenny wandered over to 99 and tapped her shoulder urgently. "Not now, Jenny, this is really important." 99 stared at her, completely peeved at her interruption.  
  
"This conversation is very interesting, but don't you care for your husband's welfare?" Jenny gestured at the staircase. " If you hadn't noticed, Max is still stuck in the railings."  
  
"Oh, Max, we're so sorry!" 99 fled to Max's side and tried to pull his head out. "We forgot all about you." Jenny shook her head and ran to the kitchen.  
  
"That's all right, I wasn't in any hurry." Max tried to turn his head to look at 99, who was now employed in unscrewing the railing futilely. "But we're not married. That was just a silly cover." 99 frowned as she continued her work.  
  
"Maybe this can get him out," Jenny ventured as he entered the room with a dish of butter and a loaf of bread.  
  
99 stopped to remark, "How can you think of your stomach at a time like this?"  
  
Jenny gazed at the items in her hands and shook her head. "The bread is for me; the butter's for Max's head. We'll use this greasy stuff to lubricate his noggin just like a mechanic uses oil to lubricate a car."  
  
"That's fine if you want to oil your car, but you're not practicing on me." Max shook his head, and as a result, it became stuck in an awkward angle.  
  
Seth came in from the garage carrying a saw. "I'll set Max free! You morons better get out of the way, cause I'm armed and dangerous."   
  
To Be Continued! 


	6. Missed It By that Much!

Chapter Six: Missed It By That Much!  
  
  
"Oh, my gosh!" screamed 99. "Stop him! He's a homicidal maniac! He's going to cut Max's head off instead of the railing."  
  
"Hey, he won't be stuck anymore!" Seth said cheerfully. 99 almost fainted at the thought of her poor Max's head severed from his body.   
  
"You know, he has a point," remarked Smart stupidly.   
  
"MAX, you'll be dead then!" shrieked Chrissy.  
  
"When you put it that way . . ." Max began to squirm frantically in his uncomfortable position on the stairs.   
  
At this moment, Roger tackled Seth, who immediately began to attack him instead. 99 swooned, while Chrissy began her screeching again. Laura grabbed the saw from her insane brother. She proceeded to cut the railing in two, and Max was set free. But Seth was still trying to strangle his uncle!  
  
"Let me handle this," said Agent 86 as he headed downstairs, tripping on the inert body of 99. Unfortunately, his neck disagreed. It was so stiff he couldn't turn his head. "Jenny, you take over," he moaned as he sat back on the bottom step.  
  
Jenny was about to reply when an enraged voice filled the room. "Vat is going on here?" Conrad Siegfried stepped into the room, silencing the chaotic crowd with his menacing appearance.   
  
Seth placed his arm around Conrad and gazed admiringly at his brainwasher. "We're a great team, aren't we?"  
  
"Nein, Nein! You vere supposed to kill Schmart and zen ze shtupid congressman! You messed up ze whole sequence!" Conrad stamped his feet like a spoiled child.  
  
Seth looked at his feet in utter shame. "Sorry about that, Chief," he muttered.  
  
Siegfried glared at Max. "I supposed he learned zat from you," he accused his archenemy.   
  
"I don't have the faintest idea what you're talking about, Siegfried," replied Max. "Have you thought about going to a psychologist? Mine's really good. Oops, you weren't supposed to know that!"  
  
99 revived and asked, "What's going on?"  
  
"I'm about to kill your lover-boy!" Seth bellowed in a crazed tone that frightened 99 so much, she promptly fainted again.  
  
"It figures," Max grumbled as Seth prepared to murder him with the railing Laura had cut. "Leave it to a woman to faint at a time like this." He bent over to help 99, causing Seth's aim to miss him and hit the wall.  
  
Max looked over his shoulder in confusion. Suddenly, the light dawned. "Aha!" he crowed, moving his two fingers slightly apart. "Missed it by that much!"  
  
"I think it adds to the room," offered Jenny, indicating the large hole that now adorned the stairwell.  
  
Siggy baby was clearly not amused at this superfluous remark. "Kill him, you addlepated twit in boy's clothing!"   
  
Just then, Alice walked into the room in a black negligee. "Siggy, when are you coming to bed?"  
  
"NEVER!" Siggy bellowed, terrified at the sight of his wife in such a revealing outfit.  
  
"May I ask why you married her if you never want to--?" Max began.  
  
"ZIS IS KAOS, VE DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS HERE!" screeched the irate agent.  
  
"WELL SORRY!" he yelled back.  
  
99 revived again. "Oh, Max!" she said, "That's very sweet of you, but it's not your fault that I fainted. Oh, and could you keep your voice down?"  
  
"I wasn't talking to you, 99; I was talking to Siegfried and his luscious wife."  
99 jumped to her feet and smacked Max so hard he swore he saw stars.  
  
"Now, can I kill him?" whined Seth.  
  
"Please, don't!" entreated Smart. "We're just five girls and two guys looking for a good time . . . and loving it!"  
  
"Vat does zat have to do vith anyzing?" Siegfried demanded.  
  
"Uh . . . Would you believe . . ."  
  
"NO!"  
  
"I'm so glad that tire broke and I met up with you, Siegfried, cause there's nowhere else I'd rather be at this moment." Seth smiled and gazed at his friend, and he knew that whatever lay ahead it was bound to be something crazy and great. Little did he realize that the worse was yet to come!  
  
Suddenly, Starker entered the room. "May I say something?"  
  
"NO!" everyone simultaneously cried. He shrugged and left the room as quickly as he had come.  
  
"When can I KILL!" growled Seth in a beast-like voice.  
  
"Now, preferably," snapped Siggy impatiently.  
  
Roger took this opportune time to use the part of the window frame on his nephew's head. "Whew, now we can have some peace and quiet."  
  
"Yes, Conrad, let's go back to your house," cooed Alice in a coaxing voice.   
  
"Vell . . ." Before Siegfried could answer, Roger hit him over the head in the same manner as he had done to his nephew.  
  
99 rushed over to the nearest phone to call for the policemen and fellow CONTROL agents. Very shortly they arrived and arrested Conrad von Siegfried and Starker. Alice followed behind her husband, moaning something about injustice.  
  
"Well, that about wraps up another case," Max chirped.  
  
"What about Seth?" 99 inquired. "He's still a psychopath killer!"  
  
"We'll just take him to CONTROL tomorrow and they'll straighten him out," said Smart. "In the meantime, we'll lock him back in the closet."  
  
"I want to go with him!" whined Laura. "It's not fair that I can't be part of all this mayhem!"  
  
"Fine, if you want Seth to kill you, go right ahead," Jenny responded.  
  
"On second thought, I think a luxurious hotel room would be much preferable," Laura tittered nervously.  
  
Roger and Linda both agreed and took their niece into town to find suitable lodgings. Jenny bade goodnight to the two agents before she and Chrissy ascended to their bedrooms.  
  
After locking Seth in the closet, Max leaned on the door in satisfaction. "Well, 99, before I retire, how about a goodnight kiss?"  
  
"Oh, Max!" she gushed, reddening. The two leaned forward for a kiss, but just at that moment, Seth banged menacingly on the door. The couple shrieked in surprise and bounded up the stairs, forgetting all about the kiss.  
  
***************  
  
Hymie was a jovial soul with a capacity for knowledge that was difficult to measure up to. In plain English: he was a robot. He lived at CONTROL HQ, where Seth was taken by express jet the following day and was supposed to help the deluded boy with his anti-brainwash therapy. As they worked together, Seth became good chums with the intellectual Hymie, which turned out to be a hindrance, rather than a help, to Seth's recovery. Soon, they were talking about everything but Seth's problem.  
  
"Agent 99 is a wonderful woman," Hymie was saying. "She's been with the agency for two years now, and I can't imagine what we would do without her. She is so intelligent and resourceful, a perfect counterbalance to Smart."   
  
"I know all about 99," retorted Seth. "She's one of Max' employees."  
  
"Employees!" Hymie shouted. "She can't be Max's employee because there are no employees in an agency! All the spies are in it together. Besides, if you are talking about superiors, Chief is the head of CONTROL, but he's not technically their employer. 99's a partner in the business with Max, and they're best friends. They're a team, like Steed and Gale, or Steed and Peel. They're *secret agents*." He said the last word in such a dignified manner that Seth visualized two eccentric looking spies in trench-coats, sneaking around back alleys in search of valuable clues.  
  
"I know all that," scoffed Seth. "I also know they're much groovier than Steel and Peed."  
  
"Steed and Peel." Now it was Hymie's turn to scoff. That is, if a robot could scoff.  
  
"Whatever," Seth replied uninterestedly. He mused for a short duration and suddenly asked, "Wait a minute, if they're only friends, how come they're always posing as husband and wife and getting all gushy?"  
  
Hymie shrugged in an undiplomatic way. "I don't know. Spies are funny that way. But how do you know all this?"  
  
"Because I-" began Seth.  
  
At that moment, Chrissy burst into the room where Hymie and Seth were situated. "Max is laughing at me, and I can't stand anyone who doesn't appreciate my charm and style." She began to pout most noticeably as she slunk onto the sofa.  
  
"You mean Agent 86, Maxwell Smart?" asked the ignorant Hymie.  
  
"Of course." Chrissy stared at him as if he were an extraterrestrial being.   
  
Hymie rose from his seat slowly. "Wh-what? You're friends with *the* Maxwell Smart?"  
  
"We were living with him and 99 while Siegfried was on his honeymoon," Seth casually explained.   
  
"You *lived* with Maxwell Smart? That's not fair! I never got to live at his apartment even though he is my best friend!" Hymie began to cry in his strange, mechanical way, first stifling a sob then weeping loudly. He ran out of the room, pouting and sniveling hysterically.  
  
"Ok . . ." Chrissy trailed off. "I think that robot just had a major system meltdown."  
  
"What happened with Smart?" Seth asked Chrissy once Hymie's wails were out of earshot.  
  
"99, Max and this bald man, Chief, were discussing Siegfried's plea of innocence to the court. I couldn't help but notice that Max had I nice big tear in the suit he was wearing. I grabbed his arm where the rip was and said before he could begin another ignorant sentence, 'Excuse me Max, there's a tear in your sleeve. It wouldn't take but a minute for me to sew it up for you.'   
  
'Thank you, Chrissy, how considerate of you," Max replied serenely, but with a terribly mischievous glint in his eye. 'Do you want me to remove my shirt now, or would you rather leave the room and wait while I change into a different shirt?'" Chrissy sighed tearfully, her face aflame, before continuing the embarrassing tale. "This produced more than a few horrified and mortified stares from Agent 99 and Chief, and Chief just had to make an impudent remark.  
  
"Chief said sarcastically, 'Why don't you wait until after we're done conversing, and then you two can be alone!'   
  
"Well, this was even more embarrassing than Max's comment, but 99 made it even worse by remarking, 'It would have been *some* date. Too bad Max and I are leaving for lunch in a few minutes.' She grabbed Smart's arm emphatically, implying that it was the end of that conversation.  
  
"That's when I decided I didn't have time for such foolishness and left," Chrissy concluded. That was a flat out lie, but Seth didn't know that. What really happened was Chrissy, in her anger, shoved Max really hard. Then Chief told her that it was probably in her best interest if she left the vicinity.  
  
"I'm sorry that happened, Chrissy," Seth lied. The truth was Seth thought the matter quite humorous, besides the fact that Seth really liked Chrissy and he didn't want any "Max Character" interfering in his romance. It was bad enough that Chrissy was constantly flirting with Max on a whim and then returning to him when Smart treated her poorly.  
  
"Did Chief say anything else funny-I mean- cruel to you?" Seth asked trying to suppress his smile.   
  
"Yes," she answered huffily, "but I don't wish to repeat the degrading message at present."  
  
Seth knew Chrissy would eventually tell him. Just as he was devising a plan to pry the information from Chrissy, Hymie returned. "We have to finish psychoanalyzing you," the robot explained. "If I don't un-brainwash you, you'll have to be locked in a padded cell for eternity." The robot said it so pragmatically Seth almost didn't get the full seriousness of the remark.  
  
"I'll just be running along," sniffed Chrissy. She glanced disdainfully at Hymie, making certain he saw how much she despised his company.  
Seth sighed in exasperation as he leaned back on the couch. Being brainwashed by an infamous enemy agent did have its disadvantages.   
  
  
To Be Continued! 


	7. Finally the Finale

Tag: All's Well That Ends . . .  
  
Seth awoke the next morning, refreshed and ready for whatever the day would bring. Hymie and the other CONTROL agents had completely cured him of his psychopathic killer commands and were going to release him to the care of his relatives.   
  
Hymie entered the room with a new set of clothes. "Chief wants you to get dressed in these," explained the robot. Seth shrugged and dressed in the long trench-coat and big black boots. Then he met with Chrissy, Jenny, agents 99, 86, and Chief in the latter's office.  
  
"I am very proud of you, young man," declared Chief as he beamed at the confused Seth. "Even though you were programmed to kill Agent 86 and your uncle, Congressman Shmidlapp, you resisted the impulse and cooperated beautifully with our reverse-brainwash techniques."  
  
"Well, sir," began Seth in embarrassment, "in all honesty, if it hadn't been for the courage of agents 99 and 86, I would've fulfilled the murderous scheme. I owe them my lives and my eternal gratitude." He beamed annoyingly widely at the two CONTROL employees. "Thanks, Max. You're not a kook like I thought you were. You're actually pretty nice."  
  
"All in a couple month's work," refuted Max modestly as he ogled Jenny, wondering what she looked like in a bikini. He had obviously not really heard Seth's insult  
  
"We were just doing our duties," added 99 as she wondered why Max was looking at Jenny so oddly.  
  
"You saved our lives as well," gushed Chrissy. "I will never forget that."  
  
"Really?" Max scratched his head. "I'm beginning to forget it already."  
  
Chrissy's mouth dropped open. Then she rushed over to Seth and began to stroke his arm caressingly, just to spite Smart. Maxwell was oblivious to it all, due to the fact that he was still fantasizing about Jenny.  
  
"Of course, now that you know so much about our organization," Chief droned on diplomatically, "you will have to be sworn to secrecy and subject to assassination if you ever breathe a word about your experiences here."  
  
"I swear!" declared Seth, crossing his fingers behind his back.  
  
"So do we," Jenny and Chrissy chimed. Fortunately, they kept their hands folded in front of them.  
  
"Then I dismiss you with a final word of warning, be careful!" said Chief.  
  
"We will!" the three of them exclaimed as they left the premises, escorted by Hymie.  
  
"Well, Chief," started Max, "I guess we can learn one important thing from all of this."  
  
"And what's that, Max?"  
  
"Don't ever, ever accept a limo ride from a stranger with a German accent!"  
  
The End 


End file.
